Wow! That last post was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be... but I made it through it!! This next post may be a bit disjointed as I don't remember all of the details because I was in a bit of a fog. But I'll do my best. :-)
Well, after we got past the shock of his death ourselves, we had to call our family and break the news to them. We wanted to get away from the house so that we could gather our thoughts about telling our parents, siblings but even harder, we had to tell Von. We asked the police officers if we could go get lunch and come back. They told us no!!! Can you believe they had right to tell us that we couldn't leave our own home!! I asked if we could just go on a walk to get away from the house for a minute. They told us that before we went on a walk, that we had to be interrogated first. I couldn't believe it!! They thought we had killed our son!! When the police officer pulled me into her car, she apologized for having to question me when I was going through such a situation. After that, I let my guard down a little and told her that I understood that she was just doing her job.
We finally went on a walk to get away from everything and everyone that was in our house. We discussed what was going to happen next. Who we should call and tell, and who we should just let them find out through the grapevine. I agreed to call my parents, brother and Jess. Michael called his parents, sister and his two best friends. Then we started talking about the finances of it all. (Yeah, I know, this is what everyone thinks of right away when their son dies. Right?!?!?)
I called my dad and I distinctly remember my parents reaction. I was talking to dad on the phone, apparently he had me on speaker phone. I am not very tactful so I simply said, "Corban's dead." My mother let out a blood curdling scream in the background!! My dad told me in a very stern voice that it wasn't ok to be joking about such things. After I convinced him that it wasn't a joke, I could hear him start to choke up as he told us that they were on their way. I don't remember calling anyone else. I'm sure that I called my brother and Jess, but I simply don't remember it. I asked my parents to call my uncle, who is a pastor, and ask if he would conduct the funeral. He said he could and came up right away. My parents were at our front door within 9 hours of receiving our call.
In the following day or two, we had tons of people at our house!! Enough people that I don't even remember who was there. Occasionally, to this day, my parents will say something about someone being at the funeral and I have no recollection of them being there.
We went to the funeral home to make plans for what to do with each section of the funeral. We wanted an open casket funeral and then we wanted him cremated because we had NO idea where to bury him. The funeral home director, Fred, told us that it would be about 8,000 to 10,000 dollars for a casket alone!!! Plus the cremation fees, plus the urn, plus transportation!! I asked why we couldn't just borrow the casket and give it back. Do you know what Fred told us???? He said that after a casket had been used it couldn't be used again because of the germs in it!!!!! They had to burn it if he didn't get buried in it!!! We told him that we would have to think it through and get back to him.
We went in the room without him. I have a problem solving brain so, I got to thinking and brainstorming ideas of what we could do. We came up with the idea of a bassinet. We asked if that would be an option and they agreed to it. How cute would a bassinet be anyway?? Well, I told some of the ladies at the church what the plan was and later that day, Michael and I went bassinet shopping. We went to Wal-mart, target, k-mart and that was all that was in our area to go look at. All of the bassinets were so joyful and playful with bright colors and animals on them. Or they had plaid and hideous ness on them. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but we picked one and took it home.
Before we had time to put the bassinet together, I got a phone call from the church secretary who asked if we still needed a bassinet. I told her that we had bought one from target. It wasn't ideal but it would work. She told us that a lady that used to go to their church had one that she was willing to let us use. She described it to me telling me that it was antique, white and had a half canopy over the top, just like in the movies!! I asked her if it was ever going to be used again. She told me that the lady willing to donate it was pregnant and was due any day. I asked if she was sure that she wanted a dead baby in a bassinet that she was going to use for her baby. Can you believe they were ok with it??? So, we were able to return the bassinet we bought and get our money back and get a much more appropriate bassinet for a funeral.
Michael and I had to take the bassinet to the funeral home, and we got to see Corban. I looked down at him and I was mortified!! They had cut open his forehead for the autopsy!! They explained that was to make sure that he didn't have shaken baby syndrome. But because they mutilated my baby, his face looked like a smushed tomato! I guess I didn't have a choice at that point but to be ok with it. Fred told me that I could hold him if I wanted to. But he also told me that it would be nothing like holding him before he passed. He told me that he will be stiff as a board and that many parents that hold their child regret it later. So, I chose to just look at my mutilated baby and not hold him. It didn't look much like him anyway.
It was perfect, all was coming together. Because someone loaned us the bassinet, we were able to avoid the huge charge for the casket. We had family and friends that brought in extra toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates and silverware! The ladies from the church provided enough food for the many, many people that came to our house from out of town! In fact, many opened up their homes to our family, so that they wouldn't have to stay in a hotel! We had well over 50 people come from out of town to support us! Another thing that started to happen, we started getting masses of cards from all over the world! Some from Germany, Australia, and some from many of the united states! In the cards, wasn't only notes of sympathy, but money!! When all of them had come in, we had enough money to cover the funeral and counseling for all three of us! Funny enough, we even got a sympathy card from the mailman! Who knew that he would even know what happened?!?! I counted the cards when ever they stopped coming in, and I had approximately 250.
My grandmother asked me if I wanted help writing thank you notes. I was taken back! I thought to myself, "I don't know everyone that sent a card, money, or flowers for the funeral. How am I going to know who to send thank you notes???" I told her I didn't even know where to start for that! believe or not, somehow she had thought to write down everything that we would need to thank people for! Names of the ladies that brought food, money, opened their house, gave us flowers and even those that help put the funeral details together. I was relieved!! My grandmother pulled together a group of people who wrote all my thank you notes for me! She was a lifesaver in the whole mess I would have had without her.
Ok. Well, I cannot emotionally write anymore. I'll continue next time with more details.
Until another day! May God bless you in your path!!
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