I went to the women's Bible study for 2 months and had gone from acquaintances to friends with many of them. We were studying Philippians. So, I was learning about joy in the midst of suffering. I thought it was the best timing for a study like that as I thought it was a trial to move so far from my parents. Amazingly, studying Philippians made me so joyful it began to really change my way of thinking. I wasn't "happy" all the time, but I was empowered to be joyful.
When Corban was 5.5 months old it was March 28th. I was working at Lowe's at the time and it was a Saturday. The night before (Friday the 27th), I worked until closing and hadn't gotten home from work until 12, or maybe later. It was my habit to kiss both of my boys on the forehead each night I came in late. But I was so tired from closing that night, I decided to just go to bed and not take the extra 2 minutes to go check on them. I had to be at work at 8 the next morning. Corban woke up crying around 5:30am and I poked my husband and asked him to go check on Corban. My husband quieted him very quickly and came back to bed saying, "he just dropped his binky." (pacifier) I didn't think another thought of it and I rolled over and went back to sleep.
Saturday morning, I was getting ready and I was headed into get him up and feed him before I went to work. Michael stopped me and told me that he wanted me to let him sleep longer. He offered to just feed Corban whenever he woke up. I finished getting ready for work at a more leisurely pace, grateful that Michael was going to help out that morning.
I went to work and was discussing something with my boss when I got a phone call. I answered the phone and when I found out it was my husband I was so embarrassed. Even though he had never called me at work before, I asked him if I could call him back on my lunch break. He said no that he needed my opinion. He said, "I think Corban may be sick. He's blue, should I call an ambulance??" I'm quite sure that my face turned either really red or really white. When I said, "blue?", my boss got on the loud speaker and asked for one of my coworkers to come to the aisle we were standing in.
That day my car was in the shop for an oil change and I had no way home. My co-worker drove me home and half way home, I realized that Michael was trying to tell me that Corban was dead. Sure enough, when I got home there were 2 or 3 police cars in the driveway, but no ambulance. I stormed into the house to go check on my baby boy. The police officer told me that he had died. While restraining me, he told me that I wasn't allowed to touch him in case it was a homicide. I COULDN'T TOUCH MY OWN BABY!!!!!
My husband just stood there in shock and I went to the living room to cry on the couch. My coworker came in to console me and give me a hug. He offered to take Von out for lunch, because at the age of 3 he wouldn't understand why policemen kept showing up at the house. Soon after my coworker took Von, we had close to 10 police cars at our house.
I called one of the ladies from the quilting group and asked her to call the pastor because the police officer said that I needed to call my pastor or they would call the county Chaplin. She called the pastor and then she and her husband came over right away.
When the pastor got there, HE was allowed in the room with my baby boy, but yet, I still wasn't allowed in the room. He went into the room with Corban and he prayed standing over him and then read Psalm 23. Frankly, I wasn't too happy that this man I barely knew was allowed to stand in the room with my baby and I wasn't. Needless to say, Psalm 23 doesn't bring me the comfort it once used to. In fact, it's hard to read any of the Psalms at all.
I will tell you more about what happened next, next time. Until another day! May God bless you in your path!!
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