Corban's funeral

When it came time to conduct the funeral, my uncle started asking us tons of questions. He asked what we wanted in the bulletin/handout, whatever its called for a funeral. I didn't know and I didn't care!  But he gave some suggestions and that got us to thinking about the things we wanted.  One of the things that we thought to put in was his name and it's meaning. While that may not seem significant, it actually was interesting how it turned out. His first name was Corban, which means, "a gift devoted to God."  His middle name was Kale, which means, "free man." So, what was ironic was that he lived up to his name, "A free man, devoted to God."

If you remember from previous posts, I said that I was much more protective of Corban and he was a much happier baby than Von.  Because he was happy SO much of the time, I just took lots and lots pictures of him ALL the time.  This became an asset when it came to the funeral.  My dad made a video for the funeral. It was the pictures essentially on a slideshow with the song, "glory baby," written and sung by Watermark, playing in the back ground of the video. During the funeral, you could hear people sniffing from crying during the video.  That song can still bring tears to my eyes.

I was very disconnected from my emotions during the whole event.  While people were at my house, during the funeral, and during each and every step of the way that week afterwards.  When Jess got to town, she brought all the drama with her that she always has in her life. I love her, drama and all! When we got to the funeral, I took her up to see Corban in the bassinet. Jess broke down crying so bad that I almost had to carry her to a seat to calm down. But I had to just walk away and leave her with her boyfriend to comfort her because I couldn't let her consume all of my time. I had so many people to greet as they came into see him.

Due to my lack of emotions during the funeral, I was told that I smiled throughout most of the funeral. Denial at it's finest.  God sustained me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I had the opportunity to shine my light for Christ after I went back to work at Lowe's.  There were many there that knew me, simply because my son had passed away.  But after a couple of months I quit and decided to go back to school. There was one person that I had a chance to tell him about Christ, he asked me about my faith a year after Corban passed away.  My mother-in-law was in town and I asked him if we could get together after she left.  He said that would be good, and I didn't think of it again until a few months later. I went to go see him at Lowe's only to find out that he had gotten fired and within a month was found dead from a cocaine overdose. I still feel guilty that I didn't take the time to do what was most important in life, and tell him what brings me joy in my life and what I'm truly devoted to, that being God, Himself. And my relationship with Christ.

Until another day! May God bless you in your path!!